I’m not sure if I’m a normal human. Sometimes, the feeling of having lived before is so profound…the ability to empathize with the unseen in far away lands or the familiarity of a landscape I’ve never seen. Or maybe it’s just that my soul so desires to see, touch , and taste everything this world has to offer; I feel claustrophobic just staying within the walls of my own perceived “space.”
I look back on my struggles and feel such frustration at my simple and egocentric life; What a waste. My need to be numb to avoid the screaming in my head “YOU’RE NOT WHERE YOU BELONG!” I had no one to guide me or explain to me that perhaps my mind was bigger than my world. That I was feeling caged and the same, and I wanted to be free and different.
I wanted to learn about every single culture and to use my hands to create. I wanted to understand the looks in people’s eyes, and I didn’t want to miss anything. I wanted to help and to build and to be a part of the world, not just the tiny little world allotted to you when you follow life’s rules. I don’t love rules.
When I had my daughter, it was just us (still is,) and I was so excited at the ability to fill her spirit with everything so she could take on this world. I wanted to foster in her a deep love for life. A knowledge that the world is vast and textured and hers. She is not limited to only the ground in front of her and that learning is a gift, a prize, and it extends far beyond textbooks.
I desire to raise a child who is not the same! The world doesn’t need millions of kids staring at their phones. We definitely do not need another kid scrolling through Instagram and Snapchatting their way through to adulthood. Repeating the nonsense that they are told matters. I owe it to HER children to grow her fully. I owe it to the world to raise a woman who engages entirely and brilliantly with everything around her.
So, now we are homeschooled. We do spelling tests in magical forests and math outside of a museum. We wish on stars at 4 a.m., then learn about astronomy by pointing out constellations and watching videos of the space lab. We make friends with people from other cultures and religions, and we learn about them and who they are. We live and adventure and play because that is what really matters.
I am raising a child who is brave, well-mannered, well-rounded, and interesting. A child who is deeply empathetic and who looks into your eyes and holds your hand. Someone who wants to take care of others and who also loves to be taken care of. She will always help the child who falls down but also will just walk away if someone is unkind; At 6 she knows her worth. That is my prize❤