In between miracles.

I write these lists of things I dream about or that I would love to do, and I tuck them into the pages of my bible. I write my prayers. It amazed me recently to see that I had checked off 90% of the ones I had written. Some were easy, like an adventure I thought would be fun. But some were big and specific, and they happened as well. There are only 3 that haven’t happened yet, and they are the 3 that I know will be straight from God. Those 3 are my soul prayers. Actually, all my prayers were soul prayers.

Last night, I was tormented as I tried to sleep. Panic just flooded my entire body. I had been actively giving as part of my service to God. 10% to my church and I was giving as I felt called at the ranch where we spend much of our time. I had just ordered 2 enclosures for the animals, and I had zero peace. What did I do wrong, God? Well, I had no lasting money and barely any hours at work. Was God telling me to stop?

Give and it will be given to you. The verse that echoed in my mind. Give Heidi. So I gave. I gave in the form of protection for the animals that I so deeply loved. But I had no peace. What if I gave it all and I couldn’t take care of my daughter?  Lord, please protect and provide! What are you saying to me?

What if all these visions I have for my life are my own? I don’t want that. I want to want what you are calling me to do. This passion for animals and people has been in my heart since I was tiny. I feel called to protect and provide. I feel I feel I feel… help me stop feeling long enough so that I can hear! You brought me to this ranch. Why? These animals trust me. Do I give up? Everyone around me just shakes their head like they know I’m going to fail. I keep stubbornly saying GOD WILL PROVIDE! But what if I fail. What if I mess up, God? What if I do something that makes people doubt you?

❤️

I have received most of what I have prayed for. I can’t fail God. I love with all of my soul. I am love. I have received because I asked and believed. I have received because God is good. I have received mostly the things I released. I am so unbelievably blessed by my faith. I am happy and overwhelmed with gratitude. I only get scared when I stop trusting. Those times when I think God might need a little help. I have a personal relationship with Jesus. I didn’t really know that was possible before. It’s the ultimate love. You can only understand it by experiencing it.

I have a purpose. My purpose is to share the reason behind my joy. To share how I have been transformed. I love to capture my heart in pictures. The dream life God helped me create. The animals and people I adore. I feel such happiness feeding the cats, horses, pigs, goats, chickens, cows, and sheep. I have spent my entire life wishing for a ranch of my own, but until then, I am accumulating animals in expectation.

We currently have no money. I share a room with my daughter. Our ranch is just a dream outside of a financial miracle. I’m not sure what tomorrow will bring, but I’m positive that these are some of my most deeply happy times. I’m positive that my daughter thinks our life is absolutely magical and that she thinks I’m equally magical. I am absolutely certain that I am the very best version of myself that I have ever been, and I am overjoyed to be of service to those God brings me. I also believe in miracles with every ounce of my being.

Now, faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1