God told me to run😳

I prayed for an answer.

My mom died recently, very suddenly. Her death shook the foundation of my world. I had been caring for her in the evenings, and her dementia was unnerving, but it allowed us a relationship that I had craved my entire life. 4 days after she died on Christmas morning, my dad told me he had booked a flight to visit his high school girlfriend. Nothing made sense. I felt numb and like I was looking at a stranger. I quickly realized my daughter and I were on our own. God was my father, and I had to rely on him entirely. I felt so scared and confused. “Run, Heidi.”

What! In! The! World! I didn’t realize God spoke that way. I figured it was my own brain, but then I also realized that I  would rather be chased by a hippopotamus than ever run on purpose! Ever!! Oh Lord, why!?

I found my running shoes buried deep in the trunk of my car. I had to dig under a grooming box, an air mattress, 97 pairs of mismatched shoes, and a half empty bag of chicken feed🙄. Today is the day I run🙄.

It’s 5 in the morning. I’m pretty sure I heard turkey outside, so I should probably wait until it’s light. Plus, my daughter is sleeping, and I need a cheering section. I am going to run-ish. I’m going to run like the wind for probably 30 seconds because I don’t run, but I will run! I will run every day because you told me to. Help me honor you. I want to make you proud of me. I want my daughter to be proud, and I want to sleep with that peace that comes from being who I am supposed to be. It’s 6 now. I should go get my shoes.

We did it!!! We ran the last two days! My daughter ran ahead of me like a noodle, which made me laugh, which in turn made it much harder. I couldn’t have been more grateful. She could barely breathe, laughing at my misery. We did it, though. I cleaned the house, too. And I rode my horse every day this week… Except today. My legs are really tired. I’m listening, God. I’m listening.

I remember all the words that have been said to me, but I no longer feel angry. The other day, I woke up and heard that voice in my spirit. “Don’t be scared, those words aren’t true.”

Today, we ran again. 10 minutes off our time! We played music and ran way too fast and almost died, but it was amazing! I cleaned the house and got my little amazon new clothes because she keeps growing out of everything. I made her lunch, and we moved a 250-pound dresser. She weighs 68 pounds, and I’m small too. I HAD to move this dresser. It was my mom’s, and she hated it. Finally, it was just Inni and me, and so I just prayed, “God, I don’t know why I hate this dresser, but I have to get it out. Please help us because it’s impossible.” We lifted and pushed and dragged, and we got it all the way to the driveway. My daughter and I looked at each other elated but then realized we had a 250-pound object blocking the driveway, and my car is literally held together with zip ties (I know…But it is keeping my bumper on until the car dies.) My life makes me proud. Isn’t it funny how I can be proud of such ridiculous stuff? But I’m doing it by myself, and I’m learning.

The mail person came to the door after we sat down. It couldn’t have been more than 2 minutes later. She asked if she could have the dresser.  She looked at my daughter and told her how beautiful she was and then she touched my arm and looked right into my eyes and said, “You are too, she looks just like you” I almost started crying. It was this special blessing that I needed more than anything in the world. Her words, her kindness, and that awful dresser gone. Thank you, Jesus 💫

Tomorrow, I will run again. I will saddle up the horse, and I will work while my daughter does her school work. I’m listening now for the unexpected. I’m just going to listen. It’s so funny how these angel people have shown up to help us. This spectacular woman who inspired me to ride my horse and to run, she glows, and my daughter adores her. Friends who tell me that I can do it! My aunt who lives in Texas and who talks me out of all the idiotic ideas that come into my head. Crazy thing is I prayed because I was exhausted. God said run. I ran. I’m not exhausted anymore, I’m grateful. Thank you💖 so many parts of my soul are being healed. Slowly but surely, I’m realizing that maybe I can do it by myself… No, I can do it with God. Thank you for listening to my random stories. I appreciate you so much💕