Dreaming🌺

Some of my deepest dreams have come true but they came true with the caveat of release. You will live your dream, Heidi, but it will be fleeting because none of these things belong to you. You will live on the ranch with the 50 horses, but you will just be helping, and you will …

Future Perfect ✨

Everything is fast now. Once kids are older the world suddenly opens up and is filled to overflowing with school, pool, new people, endless wants! Summer has a new meaning to me and honestly, I am tired. I feel pretty disconnected too. I’ve been here before so I know it will be ok but last …

What is life✨

I look around at people and the world and wonder what shaped them. I see my past filled with absolute terror and I look at my present where I feel so proud of who I have become. Life is so interesting and odd. I was reading one my my favorite authors Alain De Bottom and …

Jesus answered.

I was reading this book that I didn’t want to read and came across the line “We’d rather have the questions than the answers” I sat there realizing how much of my life that encompassed. I keep asking the same questions over and over instead of hearing the answer. Obviously, like a child, I just …

Are you willing to wait?

I’ve been waiting my entire life. I didn’t have the slightest idea what I was waiting for when I was little but I knew something was missing. I used to get panicked about going on trips or leaving the house because I felt certain I might miss out on this mysterious something that I was …

Yes

I started saying yes to God reluctantly. It wasn’t a yes in the beginning. I had no other options, so my yes became the only answer possible. There was a fair amount of screaming and foot stomping in the beginning. I remember when I was in the bath in the depths of hell. I was …

In between miracles.

I write these lists of things I dream about or that I would love to do, and I tuck them into the pages of my bible. I write my prayers. It amazed me recently to see that I had checked off 90% of the ones I had written. Some were easy, like an adventure I …

Mom 12/21/23

My mom died at 1:32 this morning. She had gone to the hospital a week earlier with a very small stroke but had been home for 4 days. She was happy and laughing and so beautifully clear. She told us all she loved us and everything seemed so happy. Yesterday, around lunchtime she really wanted …

Can you hear me, Jesus?

I am in a new chapter. The experiencing God chapter. Well, the, I am seeking God with all of my heart chapter. I am seeking God above everything. I never realized that if you are seeking God, it is because he is seeking you. I never ever knew that that desire does not come from …

Grief

My heart hurts. I can’t breathe. I will be ok in a little bit, but right now, sadness just floods my being. My mom looked completely herself 3 years ago. If you saw her today, you would think she was her mother. She has a genetic (apparently) type of dementia. She is disappearing right in …